A Legacy of Love, Faith, and Service: A Tribute to My Mother

Thank you to all friends and family here today, and especially to St Richard Church and Parish for being such a huge part of my mom and our family’s lives. Mom was married here, my sisters and I all had our sacraments here, and both Dad and Mom’s mortal lives ended here.

I stand here before you knowing that this is the hardest day of my life, while at the same time the most important collection of words and tribute I can deliver. As such, I hope that we aren’t late for the cemetery and luncheon because of it!

I always knew Mom would leave us one day, but I wanted to believe that she would live to be 100 and die ever so peacefully in her sleep. As I have reflected on how we got here so suddenly from her May diagnosis, I have come to understand why.

In order to make sense of it all, and for my own sake to mourn, I have been praying to Mom to help me write a tribute that would make her as proud as possible and smile down from heaven. Mom answered and this is what we came up with. I hope that we can all take a bit of solace and gratitude for knowing my mom as a child of God who was with us to remind us each day to live a life of joy and service.

This is a tale of a real-life superhero. A superhero that was very much unlike any that we have ever come across on TV, but closely resembles the instruction manual of life that is the bible. This superhero combines the Spirit of God, Uncanny Hilarity, Supernatural Strength, and Selfless Service in a single being.

Picture Padre Pio, Charlie Chaplin, The Incredible Hulk, and St Catherine of Siena disguised as a little old Italian woman with a heavy accent. She lived a life and spread her impact following the virtues of our Catholic faith. Faith, Hope, and Charity. We know her as Momma, Nonna, and Pia.

Faith

Mom’s faith was her guiding principle and North Star. In her Padre Pio form, she prayed daily for everyone she encountered. Following her Patron Saint, her core beliefs revolved around pain, suffering, healing, justice, and miracles.

In her home, you can’t look 5 feet in any direction without seeing a cross, saint, rosary, or some other religious symbol. She watched multiple masses throughout the day in English, Italian, and even Spanish. She made the sign of the cross every single time she passed a church, or cemetery, or heard an ambulance or fire truck.

Mom had a sense of awareness and presence of God’s love in everything she did. All of us kids and her grandkids were taught to pray.

Kids, how did her prayer go?… Padre, figlio, spirito Santo, Cosesio…bless me God and Protect me All the Time.

As for miracles, mom’s secret weapon as Padre Pio was Aloe. She believed Aloe was a miracle plant and could cure all types of wounds.

Hope

Mom represented hope through her humor and strength.

In her Charlie Chaplin form she loved to laugh and make people laugh. Mom was unapologetic in finding humor in things. Her laugh was contagious. Add in some wine and you were in for a comedy routine like no other. Some of the funniest moments were around Christmas, which she loved. Mom’s love language was certainly not gifts. Although she was always appreciative of gifts, she didn’t need much and ended up laughing hysterically as some things we got her that we thought she could use. There are plenty of pictures and videos of this.

Mom had her own language. There were many words and sayings that she couldn’t pronounce, so she decided to just change them. Some of my favorites were symon (salmon), ibuprofile (ibuprofren), Tracey Jones (Trader Joes), and ostepelosis (osteoperosis). Of course, there was also my friend Josh, who she called Shosh. To this day he leaves me voicemails saying it’s Shosh.

Mom was not easily offended and lived a life without much of a filter. Just about every day with Mom had humor included, even leading up to her dying days.

She was also very creative and found ways to completely change the function of things to solve everyday problems. For this reason, her secret weapon as Charlie Chaplin was duct tape and medical tape. You’ll find many repairs and uses where tape was the primary tool. In many instances, her creativity was not just comical, but ingenious, like her cell phone case of being a jar. It’s a phone protector that also keeps her from losing it.

Mom’s strength and resolve emerged as her form shifted into Incredible Hulk. Her life was filled with struggles and challenges that brought out the willpower to overcome things that would break most people.

Grounded in her faith, she lived a true, unwavering, and supremely accountable life. Mom didn’t talk much about her childhood, upbringing, or struggles, but you can appreciate the force she was by exploring the many parts of her life that made it unquestionable.

Mom came to America in her 30s to create the prideful life that she leaves this world with. I often stop and think of what it must have been like to leave your mom and dad to journey to a new country where you can’t even speak the language. The will and perseverance are unimaginable to me.

It goes well beyond that as she faced so many obstacles to list, some of which I’ll touch on. The one trait that I admire the most about Mom was her sense of accountability. She was true to her word and always did what she said. The greatest example of this is in her caring for my dad, which she did for over 20 years when he got sick. Her answer as to how she was able to do it was that she committed at God’s altar… “In sickness and health, till death do us part.”

Mom was very strict in raising my sisters and me. She was principled in following her rules, which were anchored in love, loyalty to God, and respect. Mom was never late and always operated with urgency. “Hurry Up” was something she said to us regularly. I believe this was a trait that was instilled in her having to fight hard for all that she had, but also because most of her work as a seamstress was paid by the garment she completed.

Speaking of which, Mom worked hard. She worked hard at home, in the factory, and for everyone she helped. I don’t recall her ever missing a day of work, other than when there was a union strike.

Being the only son and baby of her children comes with the most special bond I had and still have with Mom, but also a sense of responsibility that I wear as a badge of honor. This is to take what Mom taught me and carry myself with honor and dignity to serve.

It wasn’t always rosy for me though. Here is the one story where I let Mom down:
In 2021, when Stella was about to turn 4 years old, she began asking all those unfiltered questions that parents dread. For me, having developed the typical mid-40s belly, one of her frequent questions was, “Daddy, why do you have such a big belly?” While I knew I needed to make my health and body composition a priority, Stella’s regular reminders emphasized this more than anything.

I started the year attempting a vegetarian diet, but after attending a conference and hearing Gary Taubes talk about the case for keto and against sugar, I decided that was a better approach. For those unfamiliar, a keto diet requires eliminating or severely limiting carbohydrates. Coming from an Italian family where bread is a staple of every meal, this wasn’t just a foreign concept to my mom—it raised serious concerns about my sanity. Her immediate reaction was one of disbelief and frustration. She accused me of reading too much nonsense and watching the wrong things on TV.

Nevertheless, I began my commitment to the keto diet. It worked well over the first few months until I eventually plateaued and decided I needed to cut out even more to maintain momentum. The next thing I eliminated was alcohol. As you can imagine, this meant removing wine from my diet. When we were together, it was very hard to explain to my mom that I wasn’t drinking. She looked at me in disbelief and became even more frustrated. I could hear her under her breath asking God for understanding about what was happening with her son. Still, I remained persistent and stuck to my guns, staying accountable to my decision.

By the second half of the year, I was feeling pretty good about my progress in all things health. Then I did the unthinkable and decided to cut out espresso. This was where my mother needed to double down on her faith, as she truly questioned out loud whether I was still her son. It was traumatizing for her—she now had an Italian son who didn’t eat bread, drink wine, or have espresso. I tried to help her understand my reasons, but it was incredibly difficult.

Fast forward about two months, and I could no longer live without espresso. This brought her some relief, as she saw that I was perhaps “turning the corner.” By 2022, I had reached my weight, body composition, and health goals, allowing me to add carbs back into my diet. My mother then started feeding me as much bread as she could find. While I still don’t drink alcohol, it’s quite comical to think back on how this journey impacted my mother and her confidence in my sanity.

Recently, as mom became more and more sick, it was important for me to try to find a way to truly get a sense of approval for where I am in life. Deep down I know that she is proud of me, but I also wanted to share how much I try to emulate her soul.

One day a few weeks ago we were sitting on her front steps. I put my arm around her and got the courage to ask. “Mom, I am very proud to be your son, have I made you proud?” She just looked at me, nodded, and said “Yes, I am very proud son.”

As a disciplinarian, Mom’s secret weapons were the Pallette and belt, which she brought out when her words didn’t get the result she was looking for!

Charity

We chose St Catherine of Siena as mom’s charity form because she was the Saint who Stella chose for her All Saints Day project at school. On the morning Mom passed, and before she actually died, I came into the kitchen and saw Stella’s report on the table. The very last line on the page read “How can I be more like my Saint?” Stella wrote, “Care for the Sick.”

Reflecting on Mom’s mission in life, it truly has been caring for people, especially the sick and children.

The best way for me to reflect upon and share how amazing and selfless Mom was is to take us back to a day in my life as a five-year-old. For whatever reason that only God can explain, we happened to live in a neighborhood with three men facing significant challenges: one crippled with polio, one who was blind, and another paralyzed from the neck down and bedridden. Mom, being the living saint that she was, became a caregiver for all three.

Our days would start with spending hours going from house to house, helping these men with their daily functions. This included everything from cleaning to getting dressed, helping them eat, and providing love and support. As you can imagine, a curious five-year-old needed help understanding why someone couldn’t walk straight, walk at all, or see. Mom explained each situation from the eyes and perspective of God. While I don’t recall how I felt at the moment of this work, my passion and drive to believe in everyone’s potential and desire to serve others was most certainly shaped by being by Mom’s side.

Once we got through the rounds of taking care of everyone, I recall the man knocking on our door to drop off bundles of military uniforms for my mom to do quality control on. I was too young for school, and Mom couldn’t fathom the idea of daycare, so she did everything with me by her side. She would work on these uniforms, reviewing everything from the stitching to sizing, while I sat next to her playing or watching cartoons. The rest of the day was devoted to preparing dinner and family time. I don’t recall any suggestions of hardship or suffering in doing this work, which tells me that my mom did it all from her heart and simply to serve.

As I asked her later in life about how and why she was able to do all this, I learned that she was truly unique in that she accepted payment for her work in whatever was being offered. In some cases, she did it solely from a place in her heart and to serve God. This is unfathomable by today’s standards where exorbitant charges are the norm for doing the easiest and most basic work.

Mom served other children throughout her life, including watching the kids of nieces and nephews, friends, and most certainly her grandchildren. She had a hand in raising each of her grandchildren and did it with love and joy. The lasting effect is what we have here today: six kids and young adults who have come to represent Mom as loving servants themselves. From feeding her staple of pastina to all the children she ever came across, to teaching us all to pray, her impact in raising kids was unmatched.

Although this level of service—between caring for the sick and all the other children she impacted—would be tremendous for any normal person in their willingness to share love and contribute to the lives of others, Mom’s strength and commitment were most evident in her caring for my dad. For over 20 years, she was there providing love, and support, and making the ultimate sacrifice in being by his side 24/7. From his battle with mental illnesses that would break most people, to him losing his leg and eventually being wheelchair-bound, she was there until his dying day.

For me, watching Mom doing all that she did meant living with a level of lack of understanding as to how and why someone would commit to that level of love. In the moment, it was very painful to watch Mom sacrifice so much of herself for everyone else.

As we lay her to rest and I stand here before you, seeing the love and support that we are all sharing and reflecting upon her life, I truly understand that it was through her faith and passion for living a life of charity and service that gave her the level of freedom she had. There are no words that I can share to even consider the impact this has had on those of us closest to her. It is through witnessing her walk with Jesus that I can strive to not only follow suit in my service but try to find ways to even amplify and expand her impact on the world.

Mom’s strength was also most evident as she battled her own illnesses, including hernia surgery, fractured back, and of course, her battle with Leukemia that brought us to this day.

The last example of her acts of charity was in her strength to hold on through all of our recent family vacations, and even timing her funeral to be on the one day that would be of least inconvenience for everyone, a Saturday.

Mom’s not-so-secret weapon in her St Catherine form is her heart. Mom’s heart was and is as big as anyone I have ever encountered. Mom has left this world to make an even greater from heaven. This comes at a time when the world needs the help the most.

As we pray throughout this mass, Mom blessed me this morning with the following quote from Padre Pio to reflect on…

“Let us become saints so that after having been together on earth, we may be together in heaven.”

Thank you all again for being here.

Rest in Peace Momma.